Serenity (last)

Standard
Mal: “What was that?”
Wash: “Did you see that?”
Mal: “Was that the primary buffer panel?”
Wash: “Did seem to resem-“
Mal: “Did the primary buffer panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?!”
 
Wash: “Yeah well, if she doesn’t give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.”
Mal: “Define interesting.”
Wash: “Oh god oh god we’re all gonna die?”
Mal: “This is the captain. We have a…little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then…explode.”
 
Mal: “Yeah well, just get us on the ground.”
Wash: “That part will happen pretty definitely.”
 
Jayne: “We’re gonna explode? I don’t wanna explode.”
Mal: “Jayne, how many weapons you plannin’ on takin’? You only got the two arms.”
Jayne: “Well I just excitable as to choice, like to have my options open.”
Mal: “I don’t plan on any shooting taking place during this job.”
Jayne: “Yeah well, what you plan and what takes place ain’t ever exactly been similar.”
 
Zoe: “Those grenades?”
Jayne: “Yeah, Cap’n don’t want ’em.”
Zoe: “Jayne, we’re robbing the place, we’re not occupying ’em.”
 
Mal: (ship shakes violently) “Kaylee, what in the spincter o’ hell you playing at?”
 
Mal: “Fear’s nothin’ to be ashamed of, doctor.”
Simon: “This isn’t fear. This is anger.”
Mal: “Well. Kinda hard to tell one from t’other, face like yours.”
Simon: “Well I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider.”
Mal: “Hmm. I’ll keep a look out for that next time.”
 
Mal: “I look out for me and mine. That don’t include you ‘less I conjure it does. Now you stuck a thorn in the Alliance’s paw — that tickles me a bit. But it also means I gotta step twice as fast to avoid ’em, and that means turnin’ down plenty of jobs. Even honest ones. Put this crew together with the promise of work, which the Alliance makes harder every year. Come a day there won’t be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well not be another. So here’s us, on the raggedy edge.”
 
Mal: “Hey little one. Understand your part in all this?”
River: “Do you?”
Mal: “This is what I do, darlin’. This is what I do.”
 
Mal: “Quit fiddlin’. Have the boat run smooth when we get back.”
Kaylee: “Have faith, Cap’n.”
Mal: “Not today.”
 
Simon: “Now River, stay behind the others. If there’s fighting, you drop to the floor and run away.” (stage whispers) “It’s okay to leave them to die.”
 
Mal: “Doctor, I’m taking your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears.”
 
Jayne: “Shiny. Let’s be bad guys.”
 
Mal: “Y’all want to be lookin’ very intently at your own bellybuttons. See a head start to rise, violence is going to ensue. Probably guessed we mean to be thievin’ here but what we’re after’s not yours, so…let not have no undue fuss.”
 
Zoe: (sliding gun barrel alongside security guard’s face) “You know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed. You can look it up later.”
 
Zoe: (on mostly empty safe) “At last. We can retire and give up this life of crime.”
 
Mal: (to unseen guard in vault below) “Listen up! We’re comin’ down to empty that vault.”
Guard: “You have to give me your authorization password.” (Jayne points gun down the the stairwell and fires several rounds) “Okay.”
 
Mal: (negotiating with guard where to shoot him) “The leg is good. It’ll bleed plenty and we avoid any necessary organs.”
Guard: “I was thinking more of a graze?”
Mal: “Well you don’t want to look like you just gave up.”
 
Mal: (on Reaver ship coming up behind) “Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!”
 
Jayne: “You shoot me if they take me!” (sees Mal’s gun pointed at his leg) “Well don’t shoot me first!”
 
Simon: “River!”
River: “I swallowed a bug.”
 
Kaylee: (pushes aside severely injured Jayne, to Simon) “Are you okay?!”
Mal: (offended) “Is he okay?”
 
Simon: “Oh ‘one simple job, she’ll be fine’!”
Mal: “She is fine! ‘Cept for still bein’ crazy she’s the picture of health!”
 
Mal: “Mule won’t run with five. I shoulda dumped the girl, or you, or Jayne? Well, Jayne…”
 
Zoe: “Sir, I don’t disagree on any particular point. It’s just…in a time of war, we would’ve never left a man stranded.”
Mal: “Maybe that’s why we lost.”
 
Jayne: “I’ll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there’s a woman. Or if I’m gettin’ paid. Mostly when I’m gettin’ paid.”
 
Jayne: “Eating people alive? Where’s that get fun?”
 
Kaylee: (clearly upset) “Don’t talk to the barkers, talk to the captains. Look the captain in the eye, know who you’re dealin’ with.”
Simon: “I wish there was-” (Mal brushes past, glares)
Kaylee: “Shouldna be so clean. It’s a dead giveaway you don’t belong, you always gotta be tidy. Don’t pay anybody in advance. And don’t ride in anything with a Capasan-38 engine, they fall right outta the sky.”
 
Mal: “Kaylee, this is a place of business. We can talk about Simon-“
Kaylee: “When he’s four worlds away? Or the Alliance gets ahold of him and River?”
Mal: “That ain’t my worry. I gotta finish this job, get us another one. Can’t do that carryin’ those two.”
Kaylee: “How can you be so cold?”
Zoe: “Cap’n didn’t make them fugitives.”
Kaylee: “But he coulda made ’em family. ‘stead of keepin’ Simon from seein’ I was there. And I carried such a torch! And we coulda…goin’ on a year now and I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!”
Mal: (horrified) “Oh God! I can’t know that!”
Jayne: “I could stand to hear more.”
 
Mal: “Fanti. Mingo.”
Mingo: “He’s Mingo”
Mal: “He’s Fanti, you’re Mingo.”
Mingo: “How is it you always know?”
Mal: “Fanti’s prettier.”
 
Wash: “Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, ’cause I don’t think that’s ever gettin’ old.”
 
Simon: “It’s a phrase, that makes her fall asleep. If I speak the words ‘eta chora-“
Jayne: (jumps out of his chair) “Don’t say it!”
Zoe: “It only works on her, Jayne.”
Jayne: “Well now I know that.”
 
Jayne: “No, not now that she’s a…a killer woman, we oughtta be bringin’ her tea and dumplings!”
 
Mal: “It’s of interest to me, how much you seem to know about that world.”
Book: “Wasn’t born a Shepherd, Mal.”
Mal: “You’ll have to tell me about that sometime.”
Book: “No. I don’t.”
 
Wash: “Inara…nice to see her again.”
Zoe: (beat) “So…trap?”
Mal: “Trap.”
Zoe: “We goin’ in?”
Mal: “Ain’t but a few hours out.”
Wash: (confused) “Yeah, but…remember the part where it’s a trap?”
Mal: “If that’s the case then Inara’s already caught in it. She wouldn’t set us up willin’. Might be we get a shot at seein’ who’s turnin’ these wheels. We go in.”
Kaylee: “But how can you be sure Inara don’t just wanna see you? Sometimes people have feelings. I’m referring here to people.”
Mal: “Y’all were watchin’, I take it?”
Kaylee: (everyone looks guilty) “Yes.”
Mal: “Did you see us fight?”
Kaylee: “No.”
Mal: “Trap.”
 
Mal: “Zoe, ship is yours. Remember: if anything happens to me, if you don’t hear from me within the hour, you take the ship — and you come and you rescue me.”
Zoe: “What? Risk my ship?”
 
Mal: (kneeling at altar, in disguise) “Dear Buddha: please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket-“
Inara: “Mal, what are you doing here?!”
Mal: “Well, you invited me.”
Inara: “I never thought for a second you’d be stupid enough to come!”
Mal: “Well that makes you kind of a tease, doesn’t it?”
 
Operative: “I have to say, Captain: I’m impressed that you would come for her yourself. And that you would make it this far…in that outfit.”
 
Operative: “I think you’re beginning to understand how dangerous River Tam is.”
Mal: “She is a mite unpredictable. Mood swings, of a sort.”
Operative: “It’s worse than you know.”
Mal: “It usually is.”
 
Operative: “That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain.”
Mal: “Way I remember it, albatross was a ship’s good luck, ’til some idiot killed it.” (to Inara) “Yes, I’ve read a poem, try not to faint.”
 
Operative: “I have a warship in deep orbit, Captain. We locked onto Serenity’s pulse beacon the moment you hit atmo. I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location inside of three minutes.”
Mal: “You do that,” (pulls out Serenity’s pulse beacon) “you’d best make peace with your dear and fluffy Lord.”
 
Mal: “I never credited the Alliance with an overabundance of brains, and if you’re the best they’ve got-“
Operative: “Captain Reynolds, I should tell you, so that you don’t waste your time: you can’t make me angry.”
Inara: “Please. Spend an hour with him.”
 
Inara: “We have every reason to be afraid.”
Jayne: “Why because this guy beat up Mal? That ain’t so hard.”
 
Inara: “Think maybe it poses some kind of threat to the Alliance?”
Wash: “Do we care? A-Are we caring about that?”
 
Jayne: “Oh yeah, hidin’ up the Shepherd’s skirts, that’s a manful scheme.”
Mal: “You wanna run this ship?!”
Jayne: “Yes!”
Mal: “Well y-…you can’t!”
 
Simon: “We’ll get off. River and I will get off at Haven-“
Kaylee: “Nobody’s saying that.”
Wash: “Nobody besides Jayne is saying that.”
 
Mal: “Shouldn’t’ve been you. Alliance shoulda hit us. Shoulda hit me.”
Book: “That crossed my mind.”
 
Book: “I killed the ship that…killed us. It’s not very Christian of me.”
Mal: “You did what’s right.”
Book: “Coming from you that means…almost nothing.”
 
Jayne: “She is starting to damage my calm.”
 
Mal: “So no more runnin’. I aim to misbehave.”
 
Jayne: “Shepherd Book used to tell me, ‘Can’t do somethin’ smart, do somethin’ right’.”
 
Zoe: “It’s a fair bet the Alliance knows about Mr. Universe. They’re gonna see this comin’.”
Mal: “No. They’re not gonna see this comin’.”
 
Operative: “Target the Reavers…target the Reavers…target everyone…somebody FIRE!”
 
Wash: “I’m a leaf on the wind…watch how I soar.”
Mal: (watching battle around them in grim satisfaction) “Chickens come home to roost.”
Wash: (flying debris glances off ship’s hull, rattling everyone) “It’s okay…I-I’m a leaf on the wind.”
 
Jayne: “Cap’n’s right. Can’t be thinkin’ on revenge if we’re gonna get through this.”
Zoe: “Do you really think any of us are gonna get through this?”
Jayne: (looks around, anxious) “Well I might.”
 
Mr. Universe (via his buffybot): “Mal. Guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. How weird is that?”
 
Simon: “My one regret in all of this, is never being with you.”
Kaylee: “With me? You mean to say…sex?”
Simon: “I mean to say.”
Kaylee: “Hell with this…I’m gonna live!”
 
Mal: (pulling himself up after being shot) “Shot me in the back! Haven’t made you angry, have I?”
 
Operative: “Do you really believe that?”
Mal: “I do.”
Operative: “You willing to die for that belief?”
Mal: “I am.” (pulls out his gun and shoots at the Operative repeatedly) “Course, that ain’t exactly Plan A.”
 
Zoe: “How much ammo do we have?”
Jayne: “Three full mags. And my swingin’ cod.”
 
Operative: “Do you know what your sin is?”
Mal: “Aw hell. I’m a fan of all seven.”
 
Operative: “You’ve done remarkable things. But you’re fighting a war you’ve already lost.”
Mal: “Yeah well, I’m known for that.”
 
Mal: “Ain’t all buttons and charts, little albatross. Know what the first rule of flying is? Well I s’pose you do, since you already know what I’m ’bout to say.”
River: “I do. But I like to hear you say it.”
Mal: “Love. Can know all the math in the ‘verse but take a boat in the air that you don’t love? She’ll shake you off just as sure as a turn in the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughtta fall down…tell you she’s hurtin’ ‘fore she keens…makes her a home.”
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About TJ

In 2015 my family moved from a small village in mid-Michigan to five beautifully forested acres in Northern Michigan. We love the lakes and rivers, the forests, and the billions of stars we can see in the night sky, as well as the many cultural and historical activities in our area. We also love that the deer and wild turkeys come right up to our house. This is where our hearts are! I have multiple cats (five the last time I counted), and a sweet introverted dog who rarely barks and who deeply loves the six adorable ducks and nine chickens that have become part of our family. I enjoy reading, studying, writing, and learning new things. I also enjoy walking my dog, cuddling my cats, and gardening. I love nature. The world fascinates me.

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